The grief in letting go

June was a whirlwind of a month. So many new things have been happening in my life, my community, my growth and awakening. I found myself in a moment of stillness where I almost didn’t recognize myself. The soft spoken and extremely shy girl of my youth was fading further and further away. Her voice in my head, begging me to stay small to keep safe, was now only a faint whisper. Usually, in these moments where I witness my own growth and evolution, a sense of pride and joy beams from within. This time, I felt deep sorrow. That timid yet very discerning girl has kept me safe for more than half of my life, who would I be without her? Am I ready for this big of an internal and external change? Will I still recognize my own boundaries? Who am I becoming and where am I going? Maybe you can tell that I’m a Virgo moon by all the ruminating and need for answers but, I do feel this kind of deep shift from within can be unsettling to anyone wherever your chart may point to. As my mind was generating millions of unanswered questions something interesting happened. I recognized that I needed space and time away from others to be quiet and maybe even shy, not because I was scared but I needed to be in my own energy to think clearly. I was at a lake house with my husband and his family whom I adore and usually want to spend time non stop chatting, catching up and joking but on this day I allowed myself to sneak away to a quiet corner outside and make art. Something more typical of my behavior as a young girl. And that’s when I realized, It’s not about fully letting go of your prior self but integrating the old with the new. Keeping what works and recycling the rest.  

Journal Prompt: List 3 times in your life when you made a decision that kept you safe or made you feel protected. (ex: breaking up with a toxic ex, moving to a neighborhood that feels aligned…) It’s good to keep reminding yourself of all the ways you’ve proved that you can count on yourself. 

Journal Prompt: What are 3 lessons you’ve learned on your life’s journey so far? How have these lessons helped you to make better decisions?

Journal Prompt: Write a thank you note or gratitude list dedicated to your younger self. Read the list back to yourself and notice how you feel in your body. 

Please share this post with a friend you think would find it helpful! We are in this together <3

sending BIG love!

- Nichole